Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tired
My ex contacted my sister. The ex that I'm still in love with. The one I still dream about. The one that knocked up his ex girlfriend just two months after I lost our baby. He never talks to my sister. He never really did. For some reason he just wanted to call her and tell her about a contest his friend was holding. We haven't talked since August. Why is he calling my family? He's moved on. He has a life without me now and a baby on the way. If I can't have him why can't I just have a life without him. He's all I've ever wanted since I was fourteen years old. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not meant to be happy.
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I'm not a religious person. Just wanted to get that out of the way. I think I can understand the pain of loving someone and then having that person not return your love. If you are going to survive without him, you are going to have to find a new mindset. I beleive that when we dwell on one extremely negative aspect of our life, that negativity can creep and crawl it's way into everything we do and wholly affect all that we are.
ReplyDeleteBut people can give you all the advice in the world, in the end, it is you who have to decide that you are better than your current despair. You are worth much more. Instinct tells us, if someone doesn't think we are enough - we must not be. WRONG.(not shouting, emphasizing).
It is unfortunate that the people who hurt us have to also remind us from time to time of what they've done. Yes, it would be easier if we never saw or heard from them again.
Even if this recent gesture has some intention behind it. Do not let a toxic relationship wriggle its way back into your life. You will also have to make this clear to your other family members so they can support you absolutely.
"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
Find something you love, anything at all that will let you throw sky-high piles of positive energy into it. Not only will it enrich your life, it will creep into the crevices and push out the nagative.
I wish you only happiness.
Yeah it's just hard because I had to let go of him and lose the baby at the same time. I don't know how long it's going to take me to heal
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