A chronicle of my experiences with bipolar disorder. May it offer help to those of you who are also suffering.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Breaking up?
So the guy I mentioned going on a date with before became my boyfriend. We've only been dating a couple weeks. I wanted to wait to tell him about my being bipolar until we had been together for a while, but something from my past came up and he said he wanted us to lay all our cards on the table. He would share all of his baggage if I would share mine. I had more cards. He said he needed some time to think last night after our conversation. I made him promise that he would break up with me in person if he was going to break up with me. He called me this morning and said he wanted to come over for a bit this afternoon to talk. I think this is it. I think this is him breaking up with me. The really sad thing is...I really liked this guy. It sounds so stupid this early in our relationship to say that, but no one has ever treated me as good as he has. I mean he had all the other guys beat at day one. Every asshole I've ever been with has shown his stripes from the very beginning and I was stupid and dated them anyway. But this guy...he's different. He's a gentleman. He hasn't been pressuring me for sex (which you'd think any decent guy wouldn't at this point, but every other guy I've ever dated started pressuring after our first kiss), he calls me beautiful, he tells me he's happy he met me...these are all things I really should be expecting from ANY guy, but I just haven't been able to find them until now and I'm not ready to give them up.
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Just because he wants to meet doesn't mean he's on the way out. You mustn't make a decision by guessing about the outcome so be yourself when you meet him and feel relaxed. If you come across as someone who's already accepted the pain then he'll see it. You're a very special person with great writing skills so be determined to make it happen the way you need it to. If it doesn't then, it was not meant to be but you can hold your head up high because you were honest. He has the problem. NOT YOU!
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Looking back I totally WISH we had been at the breaking up point. I spent the next year and a half in a completely abusive relationship that scarred me heart and soul. I added PTSD to my list of disorders after dating him. Some time I'll blog about it.
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