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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Where I am today

So that was all about where I've this is where I am...I'm back in my old apartment. In September I had gotten an apartment with my sister and brother-in-law and started on my Ph.D in Clinical Psychology. I quickly ran out of steam and that's how I ended up in the hos3 pital, but now I'm back at the apartment....jobless and without income. My old roommates have moved out and now instead I live with my fiance and our 3 best friends. You'd think that would be enough to help us get by, but we're ALL bipolar and only 2 of us have our diplomas. Even though I have a BA I can't even find a real job!! One of my roommates and I were doing windshield repair for a while, but we could barely afford the gas driving to work and it didn't really help us pay for the rent at all. Right now we're already late for our rent since we paid for July on the day August was due. We have to come up with $801 by Monday....not to mention the $300 I owe my parents for helping us pay for July. I get paid my last check on Monday, but knowing that job it'll only be about $200 for two weeks of FULL TIME OVERTIME work. We've managed to come up with about $40 washing windshields for people in parking lots. We've got about another $10 in cans and bottles (woo hoo dumpster diving!) I'm also trying to sell a $200 Harley Davidson jacket for $20. I was completely stable after the STAY, but the stress of it all has got me back into hardcore mood swings. I guess that's what's brought me back to this blog. It's a great way to vent about all of this bullshit AND God willing I'll make a couple bucks through Adsense. It never hurts to try right?

Wow it's been a while....

Well I'm back on here. Seems like it's been forever. I went into the hospital in April with a sever mixed episode...primarily manic. I spent the next week in the ER at Desert Valley. That was the first time I had ever been there in my life and I know I never want to go there again. They don't know how to handle a psychiatric emergency at all...not even a little. They tried giving me my normal dose of Depokote to bring me down and it was completely ineffective. I told them such and they ignored me. I finally got so "high" that I lost control and blacked out. I apparently attacked a nurse which was hard for me to accept at first because I've never attacked ANYONE not even my sister! They had to sedate me and finally I got some sleep, but come 10pm the next night they didn't want to sedate me again and I was up until 3 trying to sleep with a pulse of 130 and a BP of 170/90 (which is insane considering I usually have LOW blood pressure). This time they sedated me so severely I shit myself in my sleep which was horrible and embarrassing.

After a week of this nonsense they sent me to Arrowhead Regional on a 5150. I spent a week there as well. They have a special ER ward for psych patients which was nice in some ways and not so much in others. They treated us all like we were animals. They yelled at us if we asked too many questions. They said terrible things about us right in front of our faces as if we were too crazy to understand. By the time I was ready to be transferred to the main ward I wished I had never taken myself to the ER and had just killed myself instead. I walked with my head hung low and slept all day. The main ward was much better. The food was still terrible, but the staff actually treated me like a human being. However, due to overcrowding issues they tried to send me home while I was still suicidal!

I allowed them to release me and went to the STAY. If you are 18-25 and have any kind of psychiatric disorder and no other place to go this is where you want to be. It's a 30-90 day say and they feed you GOOD. You're allowed some freedoms such as going out on passes. You see the Doctor 1-3 times a week depending on your need. The staff quickly become your family and friends. I cried when I left, but it was good to get out and get some freedom. Once you're out as long as you don't have any felonies or recent drug use they'll send you to the TAY housing which is basically like an apartment you share with 3-4 other people. It's a great program and they really help you get better. I HIGHLY recommend it. If you go there tell Miss Nancy hi for me and give her a big hug. She was like a mother to me. She's full of love and advice and even cross words when you need them. The STAY is like a big family that works together to get you well.
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