Now that he's back

Talking to him is like breathing...I'm finally smiling again. I know we'll never be together, but I know I need him in my life.

She's...not...pregnant...

My ex just messaged me on Facebook...he's not engaged...she's not pregnant...apparently she lied about that...I'm not really sure what to think right now...because I've spent the last 7 months getting adjusted to the fact that he's going to be having babies with someone else and now he's not....just when I was starting to get used to the idea and accept that he was out of my life forever...

Tired

My ex contacted my sister. The ex that I'm still in love with. The one I still dream about. The one that knocked up his ex girlfriend just two months after I lost our baby. He never talks to my sister. He never really did. For some reason he just wanted to call her and tell her about a contest his friend was holding. We haven't talked since August. Why is he calling my family? He's moved on. He has a life without me now and a baby on the way. If I can't have him why can't I just have a life without him. He's all I've ever wanted since I was fourteen years old. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not meant to be happy.

New quarter, new rut

It seems every time I start a new quarter at school I start out depressed and stressed. I finally start to feel happy, confident and successful and I feel ready to start school...and then it comes and the depression and anxiety come with it. My dreams are all nightmares. I toss and turn while I see myself in the hospital with no way to pay the bill, fighting with my ex-roommate, or generally in distress. I'm tired of nightmares, I just want to sleep peacefully at night. I want to be able to wake up feeling refreshed and not anxious and depressed. I know eventually I'll stabilize again, but I'm just so sick of swinging back and forth.

Still Sick

This cold doesn't want to leave me. I'm still waking up coughing in the middle of the night. The sore throat is gone mostly though. I just want to be done so I can get back to sleeping through the night.

Sick sick sick

I have the flu. Isn't it amazing how physical illness can effect emotional health as well? I'm all over the place emotionally...it's terrible...not to mention the coughing and sore throat and body aches.

Update

Happy New Year everyone. I'm really crossing my fingers that this one works out better for me than the last. I really feel like I lost everything last year. I've just started Depokote since the Abilify was giving me some major anxiety. There's a specific name for the type of anxiety it gave me, but I can't remember what it's called. If anyone knows anything about Depokote and has some advice for me let me know. Hey, I'm even open to suggestions about what to try next if it doesn't work since this is the third medication I've gone through in about a month. Check out my Medications page for more about that.